As finals time reaches its peak today at Heidelberg, I’m reminded of a few things.
- I still have 5 assignments to complete
- I graduate in 6 days
- I move back to my Mom’s in 8 days
- I leave the country in 26 days
I am also reminded that I am about to leave a place that I have called home for 1,344 days. A place where I have established myself as an academic, a leader, and someone independent of my family and my past. All of these realizations are making it very hard for me to prioritize my life.
Obviously, in order to graduate I must complete those pesky assignments. So that means they must be priority for the next 48 hours, since that is the time I have to finish them (did I mention I’m quite the procrastinator?). But what about the rest of those numbers? I am graduating. I am moving home. I have to say goodbye. There are so many people at Heidelberg without whom I may not be here, both physically and geographically. How to I divide the time I have before I move back home to these amazing, wonderful people? Do I try to spend time with everyone I’ll miss? Or do I give a final reach-out just so they know that I am thinking of them and that they affected me? Additionally, when I move to my mom’s I’ll have 18 days to spend with family. But my dad doesn’t live close to my mom, so how do I tell him how much time he gets to see me? While I’m home I would like to see childhood friends, some of whom I haven’t been able to see in over a year. I would love to rectify that and get one last hoorah in my hometown. Also, my sister lives much closer to my mom’s house. Is it selfish to spend the majority of my 18 days in my hometown for those reasons, when my dad is just as important to me? It’s really hard to answer this. It’s hard to justify how much time each person gets, because I never want to slight anyone or upset anyone unintentionally (I forget a lot of things). And finally, on top of all of that, how much time do I devote to myself? I am graduating and leaving the country for 3 months (kind of undetermined if I’ll actually come back, but that’s a whole other post). I have a lot of homework I still need to do (whoops, blogging instead…) and I have stresses that come from living in a house with 4 other people. How much time do I give myself to make sure that I am okay? How should I spend that time? I have to make sure that I’m okay, my grades are okay, my relationships are okay, and my life is okay? Where does each go on my list of priorities? Or should priorities shift as life progresses?
W hat that huge rant really tries to say is: it is hard to prioritize. Pressures from your own expectations bundled with those of your family, peers, and superiors make it hard to figure out what you should do.
My advice? You do you.
It’s cheesy and newly cliche, but it is so true. Prioritize for your life, and not for anyone else’s. Because your life needs to reflect your priorities. Because living by the priorities of others will never allow you to exceed. Live for yourself, for the right now, because you cannot assume anything about tomorrow.