Feelings

I have felt so many feelings in the past two days. Here is a quick breakdown of the 3 main ones:

  • Excitement- I love adventures. I love exploration. I get to go TEACH! I love teaching! I get to see the beautiful, curious faces of the children I grew so attached to in just one week. I am incredibly excited for this opportunity.
  • Fear- Holy crap am I also incredibly afraid. I will be out of the country for a whole summer. 3 months! That’s longer than I was in Spain! Whaaat? I am afraid because I know that bad things can happen to people abroad (and at home) and bad things have happened to me in my travels before. So of course I’m afraid. Plus, I’m just generally anxious about everything and I worry a lot. A new fear that has been introduced (with awful timing) is that of a personal note. I met someone. And this person is pretty fantastic and this person makes me feel all wibbly-wobbly twitterpated. But I’m leaving the country. Will I be a part of the “out of sight, out of mind” mindset? I hope not. I’d like to come home and continue whatever has been started, but I’m sort of afraid that my time away will change me in some way that this person may not like. Also, I felt the ultimate fear and anxiety about 12 hours ago when I went through my mental list of things I might need to pack and realized I had no idea where my passport was. Which leads me to….
  • Relief- oh boy howdy I have never felt relief so strong than I did when I found my passport in an awful “I will totally remember where this is” place. But I found it! And oh wow. I had been crying from anxiety and suddenly began doing that relief cry-thing that’s part laughter and part hysteria. Also I am relieved that I am still going. I find solace in my comfort with myself and knowing that regardless of how I change, I am going. Nothing can change that. And I will enjoy my time in Nicaragua greatly. I need to realize that even though I met this lovely person I am interested in pursuing something with, I have to patiently and logically spend my time in Nica the way I planned and not let this possibility of something make me wish that my time in Nica moves faster. I want to take my summer one day at a time and cherish every moment. It is relieving to know that I can logically understand all of this, even if I am afraid of some of those things happening.

Be on the lookout for a “holy crap I’m leaving!” post sometime soon. Probably after I go and actually pack everything into my suitcase. Thank you all for following my adventures, both creative and literal.

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