I can honestly say that until I looked at my calendar, oh, three minutes ago, it had yet to click with me that I have already been here for a fourth of my committed time. I only have nine weeks left.
Living in this community, with these amazing, beautiful people who see the world for what it is and nothing more, I have already become accustomed to living in the moment. I really did not know what that meant until it just hit me.
It is very hard for me to situate myself in any sort of timeline. There is only today. My first week here feels like it was months ago. Tomorrow only feels like an inevitability. I do not necessarily “look forward” to anything in the long-term, because there’s so much short-term stuff going on. Eat breakfast, teach, eat lunch, teach, eat dinner, lesson plan, do it all over again. Each day is a series of tasks that aren’t waiting to be done but are just inevitable parts of my existence. And I think that is extremely beautiful.
In America, we lose sense (at least I do) of time. We are always waiting for the “next step.” Finish school, go to college, get a job, get married, etc. etc. Life becomes a checklist. And in a society living by a to-do list, we lose sight of the beauty in life; the unexpected surprises become hindrances instead of celebrations. When I only worry about the moment I’m living in, I’m forced to really appreciate each moment for what it is.
I have had three weeks of sometimes tiring, sometimes EXHAUSTING, sometimes maddening minutes. But if it weren’t for the tiring, exhausting, maddening minutes pushing along the day, the victories, the break-throughs, and the down-right adorable/beautiful/fantastic moments would fly right by.
I love not living my life as a to-do list. I love being here and not worrying about what I’ll do when I return to the states because I’m not there right now. I am here and I am damned determined to make my time here count.