If I could see you again, I would tell you that what you did was wrong.
I would tell you that you took my trust and used it as a weapon against me.
I would say that you treated your only true friend as if she were disposable.
I would say that for the rest of my high school career….I felt disposable.
If I could see you again my body might freeze in paralyzing memory.
Or I might punch you in the face.
Because what you did to me was not okay.
If I could see you again…. I would probably cry. From the anger, the fear, the resentment, and the hurt.
I would tell you I’m crying because you took from me what others give away for the first time. I would say that it is unfair that you took my virginity as well as my pride. You took my dignity.
You robbed me.
But…if I could see you again…I would tell you that I am okay.
I would say that you may have robbed me, but I found better things. I rebuilt myself and now I am stronger in spite of you.
If I could see you again I would let you know that I am happy. I have people, a job, and things that bring me joy.
I would ask you what you have done with your life.
If I could see you again, I would ask you how you feel about what you did to your high-school best friend.
I would remind you that it was rape.
And I would tell you, again, that I have begun to know what true peace is. I know what strength is. I know these things because I have had to rebuild my entire being because of what you did.
And I would cry…
But if I could see you again, if I could really tell you all of these things, I would smile. Because I know they’re true. And I have come to learn what true happiness is. I don’t feel it all the time, but I’m sure that, on the whole, I feel a whole lot better than you do.
And that brings me joy, too.